In all honesty, I am a bit stumped by my  ‘Ask Ms. Love n Happiness’ shtick. Should I keep writing it?  I mean, what do I know? I can dish out advice, but I am usually pretty slow to take it. 

 

 But, the fact remains: I have a soft spot for the advice column format. It reminds me of the old days, when my family actually had the news paper delivered to our house. On Sundays, while someone was frying bacon and making coffee, I would lounge around in pajamas and fuzzy slippers with the only two sections of the news paper I ever read:  ‘Living,’ and the ‘Comics.’  I had a very specific routine.  First, I would flip to the back of the comics and read The Far Side. After I got my funny fix, I would pick up the living section and carefully pour over my horoscopes. I’m a Taurus-Aries cusp, so obviously I had to read both. After I had sufficiently combined the two horoscopes and reworked their meanings to say, essentially, “Congratulations! All your dreams will come true.” I would move on to reading the horoscopes of all my close friends and probably the boy I had a crush on. 

 

After the divination for the day was over, I would  turn to Dear Abby, where I could learn all about fascinating adult  problems. There were the more trivial pieces like, “How to Handle Horrible Dinner Guests,” to the heavier hitting, “How Do I Decide if I Should Leave My Husband.”  I’d think,  “Ooh, this is a tough one,”  As if at eleven years old I had a clue! Then I’d read on as Abby proceeded  to tie problems into neat little packages of advice.  She then presented it to us with a little bow on top, as if to say, “See, there is always a solution.”

 

With a sigh of relief,  I’d place Dear Abby down, and return safely to the relatively problem free comic section.  I would read every last comic including The Far Side, again.

 

Now that I’m all ‘grown up,’ I find that adult problems are certainly not fascinating . . . actually they suck. Despite the appearance in Dear Abby, life’s problems are not so easily solved and wrapped up in little columns of well-meaning advice.  But, it sure is nice to be able to surrender our worries over to someone, whether it be a friend, or to the woman on the other end of a computer, and let them take a stab at solving them for us. Lord knows, most of us have carried around far more than we need to, and could probably use a good morning of reading the comics!

 

So, while I try to figure out what to do with my own lil advice format, I thought I would share a few of my favorite advice columns with you. This week it comes from one of my favorite local writers, Lauretta Hannon! She is the author of the book, The Cracker Queen—A Memoir of a Jagged, Joyful Life (read it, trust me!) And lucky for us, she is now writing for the Marietta Daily Journal.  The following is an excerpt from the  latest instalment of  “Because I Said So!”  

 

 

Q: How should I behave at the funeral of a man who mentally, and at times physically, abused my sister for 40 years? Should I spit on his grave, create a scene, or even attend it? Or be there for the sister and keep quiet, even though all who are there know of his behavior?

A: Your job at the funeral is to support and love your sister. Period.

But that’s not to say that after the service you can’t go home and use his photo for target practice or craft a voodoo doll in his likeness.

In a sense this funeral marks the passing of her old life, so that opens the door to great possibilities going forward. Now that he is gone, focus on how to aid in your sister’s healing. She has a long row to hoe as she begins to examine her choices of the last four decades. She’s going to need you now more than ever, whether she says so or not.

***

Q: What is an appropriate reply to someone who makes a statement that is highly opinionated yet poorly informed?

A: First I consider the source. Then my response depends on my mood and the particular type of ignoramus I’m facing. Sometimes I’ll improv and have fun with it, letting just about anything pop out of my mouth. When the person is especially obnoxious I won’t dignify his remarks with a reply.

After years of trying to help these blowhards become more knowledgeable, I’ve realized that I’m not here to be a windbag whisperer. The ignorant remain that way because they refuse to listen. So now I don’t attempt to edify them.

However, in any situation you can always call forth that enduring nice-nasty Southern phrase and say, “Bless your heart.” That phrase is like the navy blazer in the closet: It’s always in season and goes with everything.

Perhaps the best way we can influence such folks is to work on our own intellectual, ethical and spiritual improvement. Maybe our efforts to become more learned will spark something in them when they eventually run out of hot air.

Lauretta Hannon, a resident of Powder Springs, is the bestselling author of The Cracker Queen—A Memoir of a Jagged, Joyful Life and a keynote speaker. Visit her at www.thecrackerqueen.com.